Sunday, February 03, 2013

Does saying goodbye really matter?

Random picture from Google
Recently I was asked this question that made me realize what I've become. A heartless being. Just so I could adapt with this new world I live in. A simple question that brought me back to the many heartaches in the past, tears and anger, which by now, as I think bout it, I am just darn glad I've grew out of that stage.. but could it be that I grew out of it just, too soon?

The question, or rather a rephrase of that question was " Does saying goodbye in a relationship/friendship, matter to you?" Well, my answer was, yea, of course, it did, in the past however. I used to wonder why he'd leave, why isn't this person replying me, where did this person go? why doesn't he like me anymore? and of course, What, did I do wrong? Questions like these, until, I saw that ray of light at the end of the tunnel, no it wasn't a moving train, but it was this light that made me realize that, these questions didn't matter, the hypothetical answers to these questions just end up lowering my own self-esteem, these questions may have an answer, but at the end, so what if you have the answer? do you think that by knowing the answer to these questions you get to "do better" in the next friendship you make? The answer is, no. You don't. Because, different people react differently. 

I would walk you down this memory lane to tell you about all the guys who have made a good first impression and disappeared the following day, or even the guy who promised to bring me out on Valentines' but did not even drop me a text on that very day. However, it's okay, they don't deserve much credit here, but one thing's for sure, I've met enough guys like that to actually think that doing a disappearing act in a friendship, is an ok thing, I can even sugar coat it by saying, without "goodbyes" at least there's this "hope" that I'll still talk to you again one fine day, if I want to at least. 

I've given up trying to build relationships, what's the point of doing so, when the other party is overly occupied? I tell myself, maybe I should make that "first move", then I do, then I realize, it is an utter waste of time, and if someone were to want to get himself all occupied and come running back to you telling you he's sorry for being away, back then, I would think "oh, he remembers me" but right now,I think to myself, "you can go f*ck yourself" hence the reason why I've chosen to keep quiet, and not tell him in the face, because THAT would be a "closing", that, would be a goodbye.

But, I've not given up making friends. I would still make an effort to strike conversations with new people, I would still take the time to know someone, but I wouldn't hope for anything more than that, and even if that person wants to, I'm sorry, I can't roll that way, anymore. I'd make friendships, but I don't think I'd want to build relationships, unless someone shows me that they really want to, I could consider. 

It's a pro and con thing in the end, I've become heartless,apathetic, yet at the same time, I save myself from heartaches, I'm happy, carefree, and awesome... basically, I just realize that I'm capable of moving on.

So at the end of it all, that "closing speech" do not matter.It's everyone's choice if they decide to stay quiet or completely disappear from your life.

And now with Chinese New Year around the corner, Valentines' day as well, to those who are in a relationship, treasure it, embrace it, don't be like some asshole I've met recently who wants to cheat on his girlfriend, people like that should be knocked down by a bus, those who are waiting, well, if they're worth the wait, go ahead, if they're not, move on, no questions, no wondering, no "I-think-I-Should-talk-to-close-this-thing-we-have" nonsense, and of course, no goodbyes. If you're on the same boat as I am, well, welcome aboard, you won't like this journey as much as I embrace it, won't be surprised if you were to jump-ship in a few months time either. 


Ic3 SaInT said...

thanks for shedding light :) i guess it's time for me to move on either. ^_^

Elena Lee said...

Oh Hello there, : ) well, it's always the best thing to do anyway, adapt or die, just move on with your head held high. Thanks for dropping by.