Saturday, November 17, 2012


So just pull the trigger.
Many may be familiar with Russian Roulette, a lethal game of chance, where the person holds a gun, with only one bullet, and as he spins the cylinder, not knowing which chamber is loaded with the bullet, he pulls the trigger. The outcome? Depends on pure luck.

Being someone who loves to travel, and still desire to go around the world, I can never be too thankful for the internet, I grew up talking to strangers when I played Yahoo! Pool (damn old school) , but never revealing who I really was. I'd pick different ages for myself, I'd pick different occupations, it's like.. Cosplay at a whole new level. And as years went by, I grew out of that phase, I made real friends, I got more involved in the online world through blogging, made more friends, and it's true, one of them is actually putting a whole lot of trust in me in taking care of his hedgehog for 4 days, the other friend however, she's in the US, but we talk every now and then through Facebook. Then I stopped blogging for awhile, not sure how I stumbled upon this site, could be 9Gag, but this site, showed me the many different people from all around the world, and yes, it's Chatroulette.

I wouldn't consider this a hobby, nor would I call it my favourite pass time, however it's something that excited me. Skipping through random screens just to see who I'd stumble upon, yes, there are weirdo's on the website who would get all horny and some of them would freak the hell out of you at first glance. But like the game of Russian Roulette, yea, there were a few times when I just talked to people and never met them again, listened to someone, but never contacted again, laughed together about the people we see, and never heard from each other again, played music together and never got together as a band. It was one great experience to remember.  But there was one person, the one whom I appreciated talking to, who had the same wave length, who lives 12-13 hours away from me (depending on the month), who was as excited as I was to meet each other on screen, and who actually kept in touch again, only because we decided to make an effort to keep in touch.

And that's when I stopped using the website, because, you can't meet too many strangers at one place, it's a policy. However, I was curious, thinking maybe I could broaden my network, and go on a random trip again, but nope, now when I go to the site, tried to sign in, but was requested to send in my number for verification and all that jazz, it was too much of a hassle, so yea, I don't bother going to that site anymore.

I consider myself pretty lucky, having to know people from all around the world, it all started from Yahoo! Games, then blogging, then Chatroulette, I do wonder what's next and will I be able to meet other amazing people from now on.

I yearn badly to go for a trip, but it's gonna take me a lot of courage, guts, and confidence to do so. It bothers me to know that I can never do what I want because of work right now, it saddens me sometimes too, seeing other people with all the money in the world doing the things I want to do, so easily or some people just spending it so stupidly. And here, I've to strive, work, believe, fight, and focus on what I really want at the end of the day.. not knowing if I'd ever get it at the end of the day.

My life currently, is a love hate situation. Loving all the blessings I have, the people I've met, the friends I'm keeping. But hating the fact that, I want to go for that adventure, but I'm partially bound because of circumstances, circumstances in which I'd need to think of sacrificing one, for one. I'm not ready for something like that, so technically, it's not directly a "hate" thing, but a "fear" thing. The waiting game is the one I hate, prolly because I live my whole life playing the waiting game in whatever that comes my way. So I tell myself, good things come to those who wait, guess I'll just work harder for now and see what 2013 has in store for me.


Amy said...

It's true that we can meet decent people on chatroulette, as long as we filter out the perverts and weirdos!

Elena Lee said...

indeed.. buy anyways, thanks for dropping by!